Q: Enjoyed your pages. Thanks Will look you up when I get over in May
Do you have a phone no?

A: Thanks for your email. I get a small amount of 'fan mail' each year. Your email is unique ...I've never had anyone just decide to look me up because I've got a web site. Indulge me a little and give me some idea of why you plan to stop by and the nature (and intended duration) of your visit.

Q: My friend and I are making a visit to a friend's house in Oliva from 11th May for 10 days. Since I like to explore the inland and mountain/natural park areas (we are gentle hill walkers-- hence I live in the English Lake district), I put in OLIVA, and search engine gave me over 15000 sites. Yours was on about page 10?, but proved a hit for me, as the rest were mainly "rent my apartment....."
By the way, I must be thick, but I can't see Barx on my Michelin map, could you give me a reference? It would be nice to meet you, as you have gone to such a lot of trouble with the web site. You must have lots of interesting tales to tell! I am a boring chartered accountant, and look forward to my breaks away from the constant battles with the taxman.

At the beginning of 2001 I made the earliest beginnings to this web site and I have just kept adding photos and information. Eventually, people started to email me, often to simply congratulate me on the site.

This page is a collection of some of the more unusual questions I have been asked ...some qualify as 'odd' and other seemed quite bizarre at the time!

Enjoy!

Q: hi nigel, thank you for your informative website, I wondered if you knew the date of this year's medieval market in teulada, it was very good last year and would like to go again, if you could email me with this information I would be very grateful,

A: The question of medieval market dates is a vexed one. Dates for these are sometimes fixed only a few weeks ahead of the actual event. A reliable rule of thumb is the markets tend to be held on the weekend closest to the dates used in the previous year. I didn't know Teulada had a medieval market ...but it is likely that the staff at the tourist information office in nearby Jávea will know. Use my email address map to drop them a line. Hope this helps.

Q: Hi would it be possible to send maps in relation to distance of ortembach to calpe. Or a web address I can visit of the area as we are going to stay in ortembach.

A: At first I thought Otermbach was a town in Bavaria and you were quite mad ...turns out to be a district of Calpe. I don't live in Calpe and don't know the names of its districts. Calpe Tourist Information might be able to supply the map you require - use my email map to write to them. Alternatively, try seeing if the people you have booked with can help you.

Q: Hi there , Nice pages you have made about Calpe. Are there any nudist beach there?

A: Thanks for your kind comments on my Calpe web pages …I don't go to the place terribly often. My web pages only ever report on things that I have found out for myself.

Happily, my web site might yet provide the answer …as there is a page entirely devoted to the email addresses of tourist information offices.

Q: I would be grateful if you could give me some details about the town of Llanera de Ranes? I have searched many sites and not been able to find anything. My family and I (two adults & two small children) are looking to move out to Spain as soon as we find a property we like. We need to be in a town that has amenities such as schools, health centres and some shops. We do not want to be anyway too small. Please can you help us or point us in the right direction.


A: I have never (knowingly) been near the town you mention ...never even HEARD of it until your wrote to me. I decided not to be a parent (something I've never regretted) and this would leave me ill-placed to know what to do about educating children here in England ...let alone Spain. I have not even moved to Spain lock, stock and barrel (I have two homes ...only one of which is in Spain).

By now, you've probably realised that you have picked completely the wrong bloke to write to.

Q: I am unable to find the address for the Imperio II Restaurante. I would be grateful if you could e-mail directions and address.
I found your site very interesting and informative, perhaps you could include some address for DIY shops as I am about to do a lot of work and have been unable to locate any sites for DIY shops in and around Calpe on the Web.

A: Given the main purpose of my web site, you can imagine that I don't have much interest in cataloguing DIY shops in a neighbouring province.

Q: I found your site with beautiful pictures and info on Gandia. I am going next week for a short business trip. I am having a hard time finding info on the train connection between Gandia and Valencia and wondered if you could inform me of the travel time? And possibly have any info re the frequency of train departures?

A: Using Spanish search words I have found you an online train timetable - hope you understand a little Spanish (horario means 'timetable').

Q: you state that your website offers most info. but there was nothing on villena about any sporting /leisure centres, buses and other transport. i am thinking of moving there with my son and would have liked some proper information.
also you dont mention SAX

A: Thank you for your unnecessarily rude and challenging email. My web site is privately run and I have no responsibility to provide completely comprehensive information for every last place on the Spanish map! In writing what you did, I note that you have completely missed the point of my web site ...to provide tourist information for the area I live in (Gandía) ...naturally this then excludes bus timetables or sports centre details for places two hours' drive away!

I have never tried to provide information for people who are thinking of moving to Spain ...my experience shows that they are not prepared to make much effort to help themselves and just want everything laid on.

Despite the abrasive approach you made, I have included some useful information

hi and sorry if you thought i was rude, it certainly wasnt intended to be! and i think you totally took it the wrong way - maybe youre a bit to sensitive, but you said yourself 'tourist info' well tourist info should include travel [people tend to travel when touring...] and seeing as you said yours was the best site... i would definitly have thought that [quite important] info should be available - otherwise how do people get around, not everyone takes a car on holiday - part of the pleasure of travelling round rurope is using public transport so maybe you really shouldnt quote yourself as the best most informative site for tourists - as clearly you are not!  I FIND IT RATHER ODD THAT YOU THINK IT ODD THAT TOURISTS DO NOT NEED TOURIST INFO ON TRAVEL. [are you quite right in the head?  and as i wanted to tour around the areas first then transport is essential. [luckily i have found some other sites that ARE more informative for tourists]
if your only going to provide info for people that live there like yourself who no doubt has a car and obviously cant be bothered to do any reseach on info. then maybe you shouldnt be so big headed about your site which obviously has very little info on it. maybe you ought to look up the meaning of 'best'.  and for your information as you seem to need as much as you can get, tourists [the people you DONT cater for] DO REQUIRE SOME RELEVANT INFORMATION ON TIMES OF TRANSPORT even if you dont think they do! no-one in their right mind would turn up somewhere without a bit of knowledge beforehand and that is what [GOOD] websites are for. i suggest you check some out!! and please feel free to quote me on any or all of this - maybe it will help you and hopefully others to see what is missing in your site...basically INFORMATION.

Hi
Can you give me any info on cheap hostals or rooms to let in the gandia area for next week 29.3.05 - -1.4.05 for 3 nights.This is for 2 adults, 1 child 7 years old .
Grateful for any info.
Thanks

Q: I stumbled upon your website, and was impressed by the amount of information you have on the towns and villages surrounding Valencia. For this reason, I was hoping to pick your brains a bit, and of course, if you are in real estate, perhaps get information about specific properties. We're very interested in developing a property in the Valencia area. We'd like to find a generous plot of land (2500 sq m +) with great views...preferably to the sea on a good day, in an area attractive to hikers and cyclists. No more than 45 minutes from an international airport, preferably with mains electricity and water...and very ideally, with a natural spring on the property. We're looking to build or renovate...the more flexibility with regard to this the better because we'd like to be able to design something ourselves as much as possible. We'd like something where access to beaches does not require having to take a main highway, and that's not far from a good-size village or town. Our budget all-in (including building) is £200K preferably, but we can stretch to £300K to get what we really want. Can you advise the ideal area that would allow for all/most of this, and again, send details of properties if you have them? We're looking to purchase within the next 4-6 months, and I'll be visiting 2nd week of April.

A: In stumbling upon my web site it appears as though you fell off the other end of it without noticing that I am not an estate agent (just for the record, I never want to be one either).

I am not involved in developing property ...too much like hard work. I run a modest little business letting out just one villa and went bonkers providing tourist information to a wider public (just for fun). Five years on, I manage one of the biggest web sites about Spain!

My advice would be to stop selling insectivores and do some serious research ...successful entrepreneurs do it themselves.

Q: "How do you say/spell electric wall socket or electric wall plug in
Spanish. Please reply asap. Thank you!

Domingo M. Oliva, ACSR-PL/CL/L & H
Texas Department of Insurance
Loss Control Section"

The email was made all the more puzzling for two reasons …the bloke has a Spanish name and (although my knowledge of American geography is a little shaky) I was reasonably sure Texas has a border with Mexico.

Suffice it to say that I explained all and received no reply. So I wrote a follow-up email:

A: "Was my advice concerning the names for electrical plugs and sockets useful? It was the middle of the night, here in Spain, when I forestalled my slumbers and replied to your urgent request."

"You have me puzzled - why should someone living in a country where Spanish is the unofficial second language need this kind of help. My geography is a little shaky, but I believe Texas is right next door to Mexico.

I am curious what you needed the information for and why you chose me."

Q: "I found you on the internet as I was doing a search for the terms in spanish for wall socket, plug, electrical plug etc. English is the official language but since Mexico is our neighbor, we have a lot of Mexican citizens working in Texas and don't speak English. They've been
unplugging our refrigerator and microwave oven here at work and I needed to post a sign. I'm also of Mexican descent but our family has lived in Texas for centuries.

Are you Spanish?"

With a name like mine, it's not normally my lot to be mistaken for being Spanish! I did send another email, as follows:

A: "My wife collected our email this evening (we had been dining out) and howled with laughter when she read the explanation for your request for advice on the Spanish language!

I don't know anything about Mexicans, but if they are anything like their Spanish forebears then there is no point in making little posters that explain things to them about plugs and sockets. A more imperative tone is needed ...as follows:

how come there are not DIRECTIONS , HOW TO GET THERE FROM ANYWHERE !?????? AH ????
PUT A MAP OF SOMETHING MAN !! A CLEAR MAP ! SPANISH HIGHWAYS ARE A MESS , THE SIGNS AND CIRCLES PLEASE MAKE IT CLEAR !
tHANK YOU !!

A: I gather you are so annoyed that you cannot express yourself in intelligible English. There is a map of the area on my web site just click here. Furthermore the same site recommends a couple of Michelin maps ...click here Present construction work means that some road numbers have been re-designated ...this is not my fault and I am in the same situation as you. The Spanish Ministry of Transport have posted a web page that shows the changes (note ANTES means "before" and AHORA means "now") click here.

If you would like to write back and subject me to further verbal abuse then I will be pleased to add it to a collection I have ....click here.

Q: I keep coming across your e-mail address in my desk drawer. I must have written it weeks ago, long enough for me to forget why I made a note of it. Obviously I came across it whilst looking at properties on the internet. Could it be that you have some connection with properties in Xativa ?. This is where my searches have been concentrated. Perhaps you can kindly enlighten me if I am not putting you to any undue trouble.

A: Thank you for writing to me! Your email provided both my wife and myself with a welcome interlude of amusement! It is difficult for me to guess your motivation for writing down my email address with the possible intention of using it. A more structured approach to your property hunting is indicated. You may fall prey to the various sharks and charlatans that populate the murky world of Spanish estate agency …should you continue with this slapdash approach!

I have a rather large web site, the primary purpose of which is to sell rental time at my Spanish home during the summer months. The site runs to well over a hundred pages, has oodles of information on the area (regularly linked into by other web sites). My web site does include a few views of Xativa (taken a in December a few years ago).

Q: Thank you for your reply to my e-mail. I am about to visit your website. In May this year my wife and I had a short stay in Novelte and enjoyed our daily trips in to Xativa. We were hoping to arrange a stay at the Hotel Vernisa next month. Unfortunately, flights from our nearest airport to Valencia cease at the end of October.
Kind Regards,

Q: I wish I'd found this website before, as i'm flying tonight! I was looking for a bus timetable to get from gandia to villalonga, villalonga to oliva etc as my daughter and i are going for a week without a car, will keep looking on web, unless you can answer me today if you know if there's one on the web.Will visit again when we return, Thanks

A: As you have no car, I have to assume that you will arrive in the area via Gandía's railway station. By a stroke of sheer fortune, the tourist information office is over the road from the train station and they might just have local bus timetables. There is also some kind of bus stop right outside the station. I've live in Spain for five years and never once travelled by bus ...I'm afraid.